I’ve never been so tired my entire life!
Age is a factor, I suppose. After all, I am 39 and will be turning 40 come Feb. and I am not as fit as I used to be. Although I wanted to, just as soon as I find time again in between organizing my life and taking care of baby Tuz. For now, I am good with 10-minute home exercises I follow on Youtube.
I thought when baby Tuz was an infant, that was the most physically tired (and depressed) I was, not having much sleep, waking up every few hours to breastfeed, nursing a painful (albeit healing) C-section. But I think, with everything I am feeling inside my body right now — joints and bones aching, tummy aches from eating bad food, eyes feeling hot from disturbed sleep, headaches due to not being able to sleep 8 hours straight, back aches and the usual aches and pains that people nearing their 40’s experience, plus the psychological effect brought about by not being in my element (will explain this later), I guess all these things combined together make me feel the way I do now.
Let’s backtrack a bit. The month of May was okay. We were starting to get used to our daily routine once again which I’ve shared on my previous blog post. Then June came which brought us a whirlwind of decision-making processes contributing to my/our over fatigue.
Here’s a bit of a background.
Even before I found out I was pregnant in 2015, Mahal and I already decided to live together in Dumaguete. Then I got pregnant and 7-8 months into my pregnancy, we decided to go back to Manila where I can give birth with the support of my mom, my family basically, who was willing to initially help us out in raising baby Tuz. Coz honestly, we were both kind of scared how all the baby thing works. I spent most of my life not wanting a baby and all of a sudden, a baby was gifted to us, we were alone in Dumaguete and didn’t know what to do, so we decided to go back to Manila to at least get help in the parenting department. We didn’t plan to stay long. But I guess I missed my house so much and we got comfortable in our zone that our temporary stay got prolonged. We still haven’t forgotten our plans of setting up our own farm in the province but this plan had to wait since our infant needed our 100% attention. Plus I had my annulment to take care of, I was still paying for my mortgage so it would be a waste of money to be paying for my house and not live in it. So that’s what we did. Besides, it takes a really long time before we can get a suitable tenant for my house. I had my ads set up a long time ago. But no one was inquiring. So while waiting for the real estate ads to work its magic, we enjoyed our stay at home.
Then several tenant prospects started inquiring along the way. But it’s either they couldn’t afford my price; they wanted an unfurnished house (I’m renting mine furnished); they looked /felt weird; they didn’t like my house; they liked it at first and then backed out last minute; or I liked them at first then I felt weird about it that I suddenly had to cancel on them; etc. Until we almost gave up on the idea of having my house rented out. A part of me wasn’t at peace with the idea of having total strangers living in my paradise. And I was already starting to get comfortable again with the thought of just leaving my house empty when we go back to the province, just like when I left for Dumaguete to be with Mahal. All of a sudden, my dream tenant came along but not without certain conditions. The first time I got their text message inquiring about the house, I didn’t feel a thing. I wasn’t excited, I wasn’t anxious. It was as if it was just nothing. Maybe it was reaction formation coz I didn’t want to hope that this could be it only for my expectations to be crushed in the end. So I remained stoic.
They’re a family of foreign businessmen and they wanted to rent my house for at least a year and wanted to do it in a week’s time. They can afford my price and they liked my house as it is, with my numerous hats on the wall and surfboard included. Lol! We can even leave some of my other precious stuff behind like appliances and furniture. They wanted to transfer ASAP.
Mahal and I talked about it and they seemed to be the best prospects that came along so far. And with everything that’s happening, like me being a full-time mom now, the deposit and monthly rental could really help us set up our farm life. So without further a do, we started cleaning out the closets and taking out all our personal stuff. We did it everyday for a week, with only 3-4 hours of sleep a day until we were done. And boy, by the end of that week, we had a small mountain of my boxed stuff, stuff I have accumulated since I was 24 years old including my ex’s stuff as well. Good thing that my ex agreed to have his clothes sold in a garage sale in the future and that he will be getting his photo albums and comic books and other pertinent stuff as soon as I take them out of the boxes and re-organize them. The rest of my things will just be stored (not forever, I hope!) until such time that Mahal and I get to permanently settle somewhere. We’ll see.
So this is my situation right now. All this physical fatigue from the transfer and re-organizing my stuff somewhere safe, disturbed body clock (including our baby’s), the roller coaster of emotions I went through trying to let go of my beloved house and welcoming other people into it… all this while I also try to be a good parent to Tuz and a good partner to Mahal. This is why I feel so very tired I want to sleep for a year!
Hopefully, as I reorganize a few of our stuff into our temporary dwelling, as we begin our long journey back to the province, I will get back to my normal perky self and stop mourning… hopefully.
I believe everything happens for a reason. The best tenants came at a time when I needed them the most. God always provides and this is a testament to that. Despite my initial sadness of not waking up inside my house anymore, I know this is for the best. My house has now become an investment and for that I am glad. At least it’s earning and when the time comes that no tenant will be interested to live in it anymore, it will just be there waiting to welcome us home again.
Moreover, as the saying goes “Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” How can I make new dreams come true if I am too attached to the old one, right?
Here’s to another chapter in my life… another challenge, another beginning. How about you? Anything exciting or new happening in your life right now? Please share your experience in the comment section below.
Continue to PART II…