There was a time when I thought having it all meant doing it all: at the same time, at full speed, without pause.
And when I couldn’t?
I felt like I was failing.
But this past week… something shifted.
Not in a loud, dramatic way.
But in the quiet, gentle return of me.
The Return of My Energy (and Self)
After weeks of navigating my health… antibiotics, uncertainty, waiting for answers…
I felt something I hadn’t felt in a while:
Energy.
Not the anxious, push-through kind.
But the kind that says,
“You’re safe to live again.”
And slowly, almost instinctively, I found myself returning to the things I love.
But this time… something even deeper happened.
The Return of My Plans (The Ones I Once Put On Hold)
Before I got pregnant, I had plans.
Not just ideas, but visions I was already beginning to build.
And then life shifted.
My body changed.
My energy dropped.
My world became centered around the pregnancy… the hormones… the uncertainty.
And without even realizing it, I quietly set those dreams aside.
Not because I didn’t want them anymore.
But because I simply didn’t have the capacity to hold them at the time.
And now…
I feel them coming back.
Softly.
Gently.
But clearly.
I’ve started taking small steps again…
planning for new features and expansions connected to our hotel and tourism work…
exploring ideas that have been sitting in my heart for a while now…
revisiting a home that may soon become something more than just a home…
and even mapping out a vision that could serve a completely different kind of community I’ve been wanting to reach.
I’m also finally taking steps again toward something deeply personal to me—
pursuing my Master’s degree in Psychology.
And at the same time…
I’ve been working on something that has long been part of my heart as a mother—
taking steps toward the formal adoption of Tuz.
It’s something I’ve already shared about before…
in a blog post I wrote on what it means to adopt your own son.
But now, I’m not just reflecting on it anymore.
I’m moving it forward.
Making it official.
Making it legal.
Making it whole.
These were all dreams I once carried so clearly.
And now…
I’m not forcing them.
I’m not rushing them.
But I am honoring them again.
One small step at a time.
The Return to What I Love
And alongside these quiet plans…
I found myself returning to the simple, familiar joys:
- I planted herbs 🌱
- I baked brownies with Tuz using our new oven 🍫
- I sang on stage again—for hours 🎤
- I recorded my very first podcast episode 🎙️
- I started writing my book again ✍️
- I picked up the books I once had to put down 📚
And somewhere in between all of that…
I realized:
I’m coming back to life.
The Book That Once Carried Me
I found myself reaching again for a book I’ve read twice before:
“You Can Have It All, Just Not at the Same Damn Time” by Romy Neustadt.
This book once helped me believe that my dreams weren’t too big…
that my desires weren’t unrealistic…
that I didn’t have to choose just one version of myself.
But this time, reading it feels different.
Because now…
I’m not just believing it.
I’m living it.
Not All at Once… But Still, All of It
For the longest time, I misunderstood that message.
I thought “not at the same time” meant delay your dreams.
Or choose what matters most and sacrifice the rest.
But now I see it differently.
It means:
There are seasons.
There are moments when your body needs rest.
Moments when your heart is grieving.
Moments when survival is the only goal.
And then…
There are moments like this.
Where everything starts flowing again.
Not perfectly.
Not all at once.
But aligned.
The Quiet Power of Following Through
What I’m most proud of right now isn’t just what I did this week.
It’s who I became in the process.
I followed my schedule.
My Monday to Sunday rhythm—the one I promised myself I would honor.
And I did.
Even on days when:
- I felt sad
- I cried
- I felt uncertain about my health
- I didn’t feel like doing anything at all
I still showed up.
Not perfectly.
But consistently.
And that did something to me.
It rebuilt something inside me that I didn’t even realize had weakened:
My self-trust.
This Is What “Having It All” Looks Like
Right now, “having it all” doesn’t look like perfection.
It looks like:
- A mother baking with her son
- A woman singing again after silence
- A business owner slowly stepping back into creativity
- A writer returning to her unfinished pages
- A body healing
- A heart still hopeful
It looks like honoring the pace of your life…
And trusting that everything you love will have its time.
Where I Am Now
At the end of this week, we’ll go back to Dumaguete.
To check.
To confirm.
To face whatever truth is waiting for me.
And I don’t know yet what the results will be.
But I do know this:
I am no longer waiting to live.
A Gentle Reminder (For You and For Me)
You can have it all.
The dreams.
The roles.
The life you imagine.
Just not all at the same time.
And that’s not a limitation.
That’s grace.
If you’re in a season of waiting, healing, or rebuilding…
Trust this:
Your time will come back too.
And when it does—
You won’t have to chase your life.
You’ll simply… step back into it.
My Takeaway
This week’s quiet win?
I showed up for my life… even when it was hard.
And that changed everything.
MomTraNeur 