Writing the story of Baby Lux has been one of the most emotional things I have ever done.

In the span of a few weeks, we experienced hope, fear, confusion, grief, surgery, and healing.

We learned how fragile life can be.
We learned how strong love can be.
And we learned that sometimes the deepest wounds also reveal the deepest parts of our hearts.

Baby Lux was with us for only a short time.

But that short time changed us.

Our family will never be the same again.

And strangely… that is not entirely a sad thing.

Because in the middle of losing a child, we also discovered something powerful: How deeply we love each other.

Epilogue: I Didn’t Expect This

And just when I was ready to give up on the precious act of lovemaking, something unexpected has been happening to me these past few days.

And I’m almost embarrassed to admit it out loud…

When we were in Dumaguete, grieving the loss of Baby Lux, I told Hanz something I truly believed at the time…

I told him I might never want to make love again.

The pain was just too fresh. The fear was just too real. I couldn’t imagine putting my body through another pregnancy at this age, knowing how easily something could go wrong again.

My body felt like the place where something tragic had just happened.

But the body… has its own wisdom.

Because only a few days after my D&C, something inside me began to shift.

Instead of shutting down, my body seems to be waking up.

And not gently.

I suddenly want my husband all the time.

I want to hug him. Kiss him. Press myself against him. Breathe in his scent. Feel his arms around me.

Sometimes I catch myself just staring at him and thinking, God, I want this man.

Not in a polite, romantic movie kind of way. But in a very real, very physical, very married-woman kind of way.

My OB has ordered no intercourse while my body heals, and we are absolutely respecting that. My body needs time.

But desire does not exactly wait politely for doctor’s clearance.

It shows up anyway.

It lingers in the way I reach for him when we’re sitting together.
In the way I hold him when we hug.
In the way I want to kiss him longer than necessary.

At first I thought something was wrong with me.

How can a woman feel this way so soon after losing a baby?

But the more I sit with it, the more I think I understand.

During the most frightening moment of my life, my husband showed up exactly as the man I believed he was.

He handled everything —

• The hospital.
• The stress.
• Our businesses.
• Taking care of Tuz.
• Taking care of me.

While I was lying there grieving, he was quietly carrying the weight of our world.

There is something incredibly attractive about a man who steps fully into his role when his family needs him the most.

… A man who protects.
… A man who steadies the storm.
… A man who becomes your shelter.

Seeing that kind of strength changes the way a wife looks at her husband.

Suddenly the man you married feels even more desirable than before.

Add to that the fact that I’ve been resting, doing almost nothing except recovering and watching Bridgerton on Netflix… and perhaps the romantic part of me that had been buried under daily responsibilities finally resurfaced.

Grief broke my heart open.

But strangely, it also reminded my body of something important.

I am still alive.

Still a woman.

Still capable of wanting the man I love.

And maybe this surge of desire is simply my body’s quiet way of choosing life again.

So for now, while healing continues, I will settle for the simple things:

Long hugs.

Lingering kisses.

Falling asleep next to the man who held me together when everything felt like it was falling apart.

And when my body is finally ready again…

Well.

Let’s just say marriage has its own way of celebrating survival.

And somewhere beyond what we can see or understand,
I believe our little Baby Lux knows this:

His short life did not only bring us grief.

He brought us closer.

He reminded us how fragile life is, how deep love can be,
and how even in loss…

light can still remain.