I can feel it.
My energy is slowly coming back.
Not all at once. Not like before.
But enough for me to notice.
And Iām grateful.
But at the same timeā¦
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Tag: family
Part 4 ā The Quiet After: Healing and Remembering Baby Lux
(The Final Chapter of the Baby Lux Story)
THE FIRST NIGHT IN THE HOSPITAL
The night before the surgery was the night we were admitted through the Emergency Room.
Everything had happened so quickly ā the unexpected ultrasound results, the doctorās explanation about a possible molar pregnancy, the sudden instruction to go straight to the hospital.
By the time we were finally settled into our room, all three of us were emotionally drained.
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Part 3: The Operating Room ā Letting Go of Baby Lux (My D&C / Dilation and Curettage Experience)
The Waiting Before They Came For Me
That afternoon, I began quietly counting the minutes.
Around 1:30 p.m., I kept glancing at the clock. We had originally been told that I might be wheeled to the operating room around 2:00 p.m., but one of the resident doctors had also warned me earlier that my OB still had other patients scheduled before me.
So it might be 3:00 p.m.
Or even 4:00 p.m.
Still, the waiting made every minute feel longer.
Nurses came in and out of the room throughout the afternoon, checking my blood pressure, oxygen levels, and asking the usual questions. Each time the door opened, I wondered if it was finally time.
At 3:30 p.m., the gurney finally arrived.
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Part 2: The Morning Before Surgery ā Saying Goodbye to Baby Lux
Part 1 ended with us entering the hospital not knowing exactly what the next hours would bring.
Morning came anyway.
And with it came the quiet understanding that the day ahead would ask us to let go of the life we had begun imagining.
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Part 1: The Day We Went to Hear Baby Luxās Heartbeat
Before I begin this story, I want to anchor it to two posts I wrote earlier in my Pregnancy & Perimenopause Diary Series.
At the time, I was writing in real time ā still in the āin-between,ā still waiting to understand what was happening inside my body.
If youāve read those entries:
Pregnancy & Perimenopause Diary Series: Notes from the In-Between and
Pregnancy & Perimenopause Diary Series: The Waiting, the Wanting, the Yes
ā then you already know the emotional landscape we were standing in.
Those posts captured the uncertainty, the quiet hope, and the fragile possibility that a new life might be beginning.
What Iām sharing now is what happened next.
This story begins on the day we went to my OBās clinic… on what we thought would be a joyful day ā the day we were supposed to hear Baby Luxās heartbeat for the first time.
We went to my OBās clinic for a transvaginal ultrasound, expecting the usual moment many parents look forward to: that tiny flicker on the screen that confirms a little life is growing.
Instead, the screen showed something else.
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Pregnancy & Perimenopause Diary Series: The Waiting, the Wanting, the Yes
This is what happened next…
Today was quieter than yesterday.
Not calm exactly… but softer.
At around 3 p.m., Hanz and I went to the diagnostic center for the blood test. The one that would say, clearly and officially, whether this pregnancy was real or not. We waited, did what we had to do, and then decided not to hover. We went to a nearby restaurant for my first meal of the day.
It was a nice moment. Ordinary in the best way. Good food. Sitting across from my husband. Life continuing while something very big hovered in the background.
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Pregnancy & Perimenopause Diary Series: Notes from the In-Between
A Note Before You Read
This is a personal diary series written in real time.
Itās about pregnancy and perimenopause ā not as medical advice, not as inspiration, and not as a lesson already learned ā but as lived experience while itās still unfolding.
Iām not writing this to explain myself, to perform gratitude, or to arrive at neat conclusions.
Iām writing to witness what it feels like to be here.
Some entries may hold uncertainty, grief, tenderness, or contradiction.
That doesnāt mean Iām lost ā it means Iām present.
Iām not looking for advice, reassurance, or interpretation.
What I welcome instead is quiet witnessing.
If youāre reading because youāre curious, reflective, or simply human ā thank you.
If youāre looking for certainty, answers, or conclusions ā this may not be the place.
This is not an announcement.
Itās a diary.
Why Slow Travel Just Works Better for Kids
Okay, so hereās the thing about family vacations. They sound magical in your head, the kids are smiling, everyone is bonding, maybe even a sunset in the background. But then you blink, and youāre sweating through a zoo map, your kids are being picky eaters, someoneās crying about their shoes, and you havenāt eaten since breakfast. Now, does any of this sound familiar? Well, itās not you. Itās not the kids. Itās the pace.
Yep, you read that right, so thatās where slow travel comes in and quietly saves the whole trip. A lot of parents make the mistake of thinking they can cram everything into one trip. Now, sure, you might have been able to do that before having kids, but it doesnāt exactly work that way once you have a family of your own. But how?
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2024 LOOK BACK: A Year of Growth, Celebration, and Dreams Taking Shape
As the clock ticks closer to the end of 2024, I canāt help but reflect on what an incredible year it has been for our family. This year wasnāt just about celebrations; it was about growth, stepping out of comfort zones, making bold moves, and seeing long-held dreams start to take shape. And so, as I sit down to reflect on 2024, I feel a mix of emotions. Though the latter part of December saw me struggling with a wave of depression, I now realize it was likely hormonal ā my period suddenly arrived after a delay, which made me wonder if I might be entering perimenopause.
It wasnāt just hormones, though. My VA business has grown exponentially this year ā I now have 12 clients! On top of that, I juggle multiple roles in our businesses: as co-owner and Chief Marketing Officer of our hotel, restaurant, cafĆ©, and catering business, all while trying to keep up with the many business and personal development courses Iāve enrolled in. Somewhere along the way, I over-fatigued my already overloaded system.
Thankfully, I have my husband, Hanz, by my side. His unwavering support, his constant reminders to take breaks, and his effort to make sure my ālove cupā is always filled to the brim helped me push through. Looking back at all that weāve accomplished this year, the sadness has lifted. Itās been replaced by a deep sense of gratitude, hope, and joy for every big and small blessing that has come our way.
Here’s a month-by-month look back at the highlights of this unforgettable year. (Note to self: I hope to blog about each of these things in more detail this coming 2025…)
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Sudden Death of a Great Man Weeks After Getting Vaccinated ā My Grandfather, Almost a Centenarian
Iām still in shock about the sudden death of my Lolo, Atty. Domingo L. Martinez. I didnāt think this would be my post here after a long hiatus on blogging. I have several vlogs lined up, so many exciting things have happened since we moved here in Oslob, Cebu but the news about my grandfather passing away really came as a shock to me.
It is our family’s theory that itās all because he got vaccinated with Sinovac recentlyā¦ Though official WHO (World Health Organization) findings reported that various Covid-19 vaccines pose as no threat to human health, and that the benefits of taking the doses far outweigh the risks, there is still news circulating about some people experiencing complications from getting vaccinated, one of which is dying. I’ve been seeing real-life accounts of both people I know and don’t know saying how the vaccines caused them grave illnesses with some eventually dying like my Lolo when they were otherwise in good health prior to getting those jabs. Getting that vaccine for my Lolo was the only thing he did differently in his routine in the last few weeks. And suddenly, he couldn’t breathe… He died of pneumonia according to my step-grandma. He was still very much alive and well just a few days prior to this.
To cut it short, please refer to screenshots of my Facebook posts below before heading to my current writingā¦
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Thoughts of 39-Year Old Mom About Her Dreams, Regrets and More…
Since we got back from a very long road trip, life has been back to normal. And by normal I mean, very busy being full-time, stay-at-home parents to our 18-month old toddler, Tuz. We’ve gotten back to our natural body clock which is on U.S. Time Zone (I swear, it keeps going back to this time zone for no apparent reason at all!) and we’ve quite settled into our new routine:
- Wake up before or after midnight.
- Fix bed.
- Prepare breakfast/brunch.
- Do chores.
- Let Tuz play in the rubber pool.
- Bathe together.
- Dress up.
- Go out for errands or food at dawn.
- Work.
- Provide more activities for Tuz.
- Prep meals.
- Do other chores.
- Wind down.
- Sleep before noon or after.
Then the whole thing starts all over again the next day. It’s been like this for a month now.Ā Continue reading
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