(The Final Chapter of the Baby Lux Story)
The night before the surgery was the night we were admitted through the Emergency Room.
Everything had happened so quickly — the unexpected ultrasound results, the doctor’s explanation about a possible molar pregnancy, the sudden instruction to go straight to the hospital.
By the time we were finally settled into our room, all three of us were emotionally drained.
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That afternoon, I began quietly counting the minutes.
Around 1:30 p.m., I kept glancing at the clock. We had originally been told that I might be wheeled to the operating room around 2:00 p.m., but one of the resident doctors had also warned me earlier that my OB still had other patients scheduled before me.
So it might be 3:00 p.m.
Or even 4:00 p.m.
Still, the waiting made every minute feel longer.
Nurses came in and out of the room throughout the afternoon, checking my blood pressure, oxygen levels, and asking the usual questions. Each time the door opened, I wondered if it was finally time.
At 3:30 p.m., the gurney finally arrived.
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Part 1 ended with us entering the hospital not knowing exactly what the next hours would bring.
Morning came anyway.
And with it came the quiet understanding that the day ahead would ask us to let go of the life we had begun imagining.
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Before I begin this story, I want to anchor it to two posts I wrote earlier in my Pregnancy & Perimenopause Diary Series.
At the time, I was writing in real time — still in the “in-between,” still waiting to understand what was happening inside my body.
If you’ve read those entries:
Pregnancy & Perimenopause Diary Series: Notes from the In-Between and
Pregnancy & Perimenopause Diary Series: The Waiting, the Wanting, the Yes
— then you already know the emotional landscape we were standing in.
Those posts captured the uncertainty, the quiet hope, and the fragile possibility that a new life might be beginning.
What I’m sharing now is what happened next.
This story begins on the day we went to my OB’s clinic… on what we thought would be a joyful day — the day we were supposed to hear Baby Lux’s heartbeat for the first time.
We went to my OB’s clinic for a transvaginal ultrasound, expecting the usual moment many parents look forward to: that tiny flicker on the screen that confirms a little life is growing.
Instead, the screen showed something else.
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This is what happened next…
Today was quieter than yesterday.
Not calm exactly… but softer.
At around 3 p.m., Hanz and I went to the diagnostic center for the blood test. The one that would say, clearly and officially, whether this pregnancy was real or not. We waited, did what we had to do, and then decided not to hover. We went to a nearby restaurant for my first meal of the day.
It was a nice moment. Ordinary in the best way. Good food. Sitting across from my husband. Life continuing while something very big hovered in the background.
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This is a personal diary series written in real time.
It’s about pregnancy and perimenopause — not as medical advice, not as inspiration, and not as a lesson already learned — but as lived experience while it’s still unfolding.
I’m not writing this to explain myself, to perform gratitude, or to arrive at neat conclusions.
I’m writing to witness what it feels like to be here.
Some entries may hold uncertainty, grief, tenderness, or contradiction.
That doesn’t mean I’m lost — it means I’m present.
I’m not looking for advice, reassurance, or interpretation.
What I welcome instead is quiet witnessing.
If you’re reading because you’re curious, reflective, or simply human — thank you.
If you’re looking for certainty, answers, or conclusions — this may not be the place.
This is not an announcement.
It’s a diary.
Okay, so here’s the thing about family vacations. They sound magical in your head, the kids are smiling, everyone is bonding, maybe even a sunset in the background. But then you blink, and you’re sweating through a zoo map, your kids are being picky eaters, someone’s crying about their shoes, and you haven’t eaten since breakfast. Now, does any of this sound familiar? Well, it’s not you. It’s not the kids. It’s the pace.
Yep, you read that right, so that’s where slow travel comes in and quietly saves the whole trip. A lot of parents make the mistake of thinking they can cram everything into one trip. Now, sure, you might have been able to do that before having kids, but it doesn’t exactly work that way once you have a family of your own. But how?
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As the clock ticks closer to the end of 2024, I can’t help but reflect on what an incredible year it has been for our family. This year wasn’t just about celebrations; it was about growth, stepping out of comfort zones, making bold moves, and seeing long-held dreams start to take shape. And so, as I sit down to reflect on 2024, I feel a mix of emotions. Though the latter part of December saw me struggling with a wave of depression, I now realize it was likely hormonal — my period suddenly arrived after a delay, which made me wonder if I might be entering perimenopause.
It wasn’t just hormones, though. My VA business has grown exponentially this year — I now have 12 clients! On top of that, I juggle multiple roles in our businesses: as co-owner and Chief Marketing Officer of our hotel, restaurant, café, and catering business, all while trying to keep up with the many business and personal development courses I’ve enrolled in. Somewhere along the way, I over-fatigued my already overloaded system.
Thankfully, I have my husband, Hanz, by my side. His unwavering support, his constant reminders to take breaks, and his effort to make sure my “love cup” is always filled to the brim helped me push through. Looking back at all that we’ve accomplished this year, the sadness has lifted. It’s been replaced by a deep sense of gratitude, hope, and joy for every big and small blessing that has come our way.
Here’s a month-by-month look back at the highlights of this unforgettable year. (Note to self: I hope to blog about each of these things in more detail this coming 2025…)
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I’m still in shock about the sudden death of my Lolo, Atty. Domingo L. Martinez. I didn’t think this would be my post here after a long hiatus on blogging. I have several vlogs lined up, so many exciting things have happened since we moved here in Oslob, Cebu but the news about my grandfather passing away really came as a shock to me.
It is our family’s theory that it’s all because he got vaccinated with Sinovac recently… Though official WHO (World Health Organization) findings reported that various Covid-19 vaccines pose as no threat to human health, and that the benefits of taking the doses far outweigh the risks, there is still news circulating about some people experiencing complications from getting vaccinated, one of which is dying. I’ve been seeing real-life accounts of both people I know and don’t know saying how the vaccines caused them grave illnesses with some eventually dying like my Lolo when they were otherwise in good health prior to getting those jabs. Getting that vaccine for my Lolo was the only thing he did differently in his routine in the last few weeks. And suddenly, he couldn’t breathe… He died of pneumonia according to my step-grandma. He was still very much alive and well just a few days prior to this.
To cut it short, please refer to screenshots of my Facebook posts below before heading to my current writing…
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Since we got back from a very long road trip, life has been back to normal. And by normal I mean, very busy being full-time, stay-at-home parents to our 18-month old toddler, Tuz. We’ve gotten back to our natural body clock which is on U.S. Time Zone (I swear, it keeps going back to this time zone for no apparent reason at all!) and we’ve quite settled into our new routine:
Then the whole thing starts all over again the next day. It’s been like this for a month now. Continue reading
It’s almost 3AM, Philippine time, on the first day of the new year and this is the first time, in a long time, that I am able to breathe, relax and write down my thoughts… I hope this is a good sign… sort of like saying that the new year will bring me more relaxed moments to just be. *crossing my fingers*
Anyway, the house is now all cleaned up, quiet and dark after a whole day of preparation — running errands, picking up groceries and slaving away in the kitchen so we can all have a feast come media noche. And hurrah! Indeed, we were able to fill our dining table with yummy dishes that I think will last for another week just like our Noche Buena did last Christmas which lasted until New Year’s Eve. Hihihi! We feel so blessed! No more cooking the rest of the week, yey! I’m sure a lot of you can relate. Continue reading
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