I can feel it.
My energy is slowly coming back.
Not all at once. Not like before.
But enough for me to notice.
And I’m grateful.
But at the same time…
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Tag: partial molar pregnancy
Where I’ve Been… and Why I Needed This Space | MomTraNeur Diaries Ep. 1
I’ve always been strong.
I run businesses, albeit small.
I take care of my family.
I show up for everyone.
And I know I’m not the only one.
A lot of moms… a lot of wives… are like this.
We carry so much.
We keep going, even when we’re tired.
We hold everything together, even when we’re quietly falling apart inside.
And sometimes, we don’t even realize how much we’ve been carrying…
until something breaks us open.
Part 4 – The Quiet After: Healing and Remembering Baby Lux
(The Final Chapter of the Baby Lux Story)
THE FIRST NIGHT IN THE HOSPITAL
The night before the surgery was the night we were admitted through the Emergency Room.
Everything had happened so quickly — the unexpected ultrasound results, the doctor’s explanation about a possible molar pregnancy, the sudden instruction to go straight to the hospital.
By the time we were finally settled into our room, all three of us were emotionally drained.
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Part 3: The Operating Room — Letting Go of Baby Lux (My D&C / Dilation and Curettage Experience)
The Waiting Before They Came For Me
That afternoon, I began quietly counting the minutes.
Around 1:30 p.m., I kept glancing at the clock. We had originally been told that I might be wheeled to the operating room around 2:00 p.m., but one of the resident doctors had also warned me earlier that my OB still had other patients scheduled before me.
So it might be 3:00 p.m.
Or even 4:00 p.m.
Still, the waiting made every minute feel longer.
Nurses came in and out of the room throughout the afternoon, checking my blood pressure, oxygen levels, and asking the usual questions. Each time the door opened, I wondered if it was finally time.
At 3:30 p.m., the gurney finally arrived.
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Part 2: The Morning Before Surgery — Saying Goodbye to Baby Lux
Part 1 ended with us entering the hospital not knowing exactly what the next hours would bring.
Morning came anyway.
And with it came the quiet understanding that the day ahead would ask us to let go of the life we had begun imagining.
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Part 1: The Day We Went to Hear Baby Lux’s Heartbeat
Before I begin this story, I want to anchor it to two posts I wrote earlier in my Pregnancy & Perimenopause Diary Series.
At the time, I was writing in real time — still in the “in-between,” still waiting to understand what was happening inside my body.
If you’ve read those entries:
Pregnancy & Perimenopause Diary Series: Notes from the In-Between and
Pregnancy & Perimenopause Diary Series: The Waiting, the Wanting, the Yes
— then you already know the emotional landscape we were standing in.
Those posts captured the uncertainty, the quiet hope, and the fragile possibility that a new life might be beginning.
What I’m sharing now is what happened next.
This story begins on the day we went to my OB’s clinic… on what we thought would be a joyful day — the day we were supposed to hear Baby Lux’s heartbeat for the first time.
We went to my OB’s clinic for a transvaginal ultrasound, expecting the usual moment many parents look forward to: that tiny flicker on the screen that confirms a little life is growing.
Instead, the screen showed something else.
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