Happy Mother’s Day to all the mamas out there. 🌷
Today felt different for me.
Not because of the luxury bags.
Not because of Tiffany, Dior, Louis Vuitton, or Hermès.
Not because of flowers, jewelry, or beautiful stores.
But because for the first time in a very long time… I allowed myself to feel taken care of…
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For the past couple of weeks, I honestly thought I was finally “back.”
My energy came back. I can wake up early again. I can work again. My brain feels clearer. I don’t feel as physically drained as I did the past few months.
After everything my body went through recently, especially after the D&C, that already felt like a huge thing.
But even though I feel better, I’ve been noticing something I can’t ignore.
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I can feel it.
My energy is slowly coming back.
Not all at once. Not like before.
But enough for me to notice.
And I’m grateful.
But at the same time…
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(The Final Chapter of the Baby Lux Story)
The night before the surgery was the night we were admitted through the Emergency Room.
Everything had happened so quickly — the unexpected ultrasound results, the doctor’s explanation about a possible molar pregnancy, the sudden instruction to go straight to the hospital.
By the time we were finally settled into our room, all three of us were emotionally drained.
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That afternoon, I began quietly counting the minutes.
Around 1:30 p.m., I kept glancing at the clock. We had originally been told that I might be wheeled to the operating room around 2:00 p.m., but one of the resident doctors had also warned me earlier that my OB still had other patients scheduled before me.
So it might be 3:00 p.m.
Or even 4:00 p.m.
Still, the waiting made every minute feel longer.
Nurses came in and out of the room throughout the afternoon, checking my blood pressure, oxygen levels, and asking the usual questions. Each time the door opened, I wondered if it was finally time.
At 3:30 p.m., the gurney finally arrived.
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Part 1 ended with us entering the hospital not knowing exactly what the next hours would bring.
Morning came anyway.
And with it came the quiet understanding that the day ahead would ask us to let go of the life we had begun imagining.
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Before I begin this story, I want to anchor it to two posts I wrote earlier in my Pregnancy & Perimenopause Diary Series.
At the time, I was writing in real time — still in the “in-between,” still waiting to understand what was happening inside my body.
If you’ve read those entries:
Pregnancy & Perimenopause Diary Series: Notes from the In-Between and
Pregnancy & Perimenopause Diary Series: The Waiting, the Wanting, the Yes
— then you already know the emotional landscape we were standing in.
Those posts captured the uncertainty, the quiet hope, and the fragile possibility that a new life might be beginning.
What I’m sharing now is what happened next.
This story begins on the day we went to my OB’s clinic… on what we thought would be a joyful day — the day we were supposed to hear Baby Lux’s heartbeat for the first time.
We went to my OB’s clinic for a transvaginal ultrasound, expecting the usual moment many parents look forward to: that tiny flicker on the screen that confirms a little life is growing.
Instead, the screen showed something else.
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This is what happened next…
Today was quieter than yesterday.
Not calm exactly… but softer.
At around 3 p.m., Hanz and I went to the diagnostic center for the blood test. The one that would say, clearly and officially, whether this pregnancy was real or not. We waited, did what we had to do, and then decided not to hover. We went to a nearby restaurant for my first meal of the day.
It was a nice moment. Ordinary in the best way. Good food. Sitting across from my husband. Life continuing while something very big hovered in the background.
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This is a personal diary series written in real time.
It’s about pregnancy and perimenopause — not as medical advice, not as inspiration, and not as a lesson already learned — but as lived experience while it’s still unfolding.
I’m not writing this to explain myself, to perform gratitude, or to arrive at neat conclusions.
I’m writing to witness what it feels like to be here.
Some entries may hold uncertainty, grief, tenderness, or contradiction.
That doesn’t mean I’m lost — it means I’m present.
I’m not looking for advice, reassurance, or interpretation.
What I welcome instead is quiet witnessing.
If you’re reading because you’re curious, reflective, or simply human — thank you.
If you’re looking for certainty, answers, or conclusions — this may not be the place.
This is not an announcement.
It’s a diary.
Okay, so here’s the thing about family vacations. They sound magical in your head, the kids are smiling, everyone is bonding, maybe even a sunset in the background. But then you blink, and you’re sweating through a zoo map, your kids are being picky eaters, someone’s crying about their shoes, and you haven’t eaten since breakfast. Now, does any of this sound familiar? Well, it’s not you. It’s not the kids. It’s the pace.
Yep, you read that right, so that’s where slow travel comes in and quietly saves the whole trip. A lot of parents make the mistake of thinking they can cram everything into one trip. Now, sure, you might have been able to do that before having kids, but it doesn’t exactly work that way once you have a family of your own. But how?
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As the clock ticks closer to the end of 2024, I can’t help but reflect on what an incredible year it has been for our family. This year wasn’t just about celebrations; it was about growth, stepping out of comfort zones, making bold moves, and seeing long-held dreams start to take shape. And so, as I sit down to reflect on 2024, I feel a mix of emotions. Though the latter part of December saw me struggling with a wave of depression, I now realize it was likely hormonal — my period suddenly arrived after a delay, which made me wonder if I might be entering perimenopause.
It wasn’t just hormones, though. My VA business has grown exponentially this year — I now have 12 clients! On top of that, I juggle multiple roles in our businesses: as co-owner and Chief Marketing Officer of our hotel, restaurant, café, and catering business, all while trying to keep up with the many business and personal development courses I’ve enrolled in. Somewhere along the way, I over-fatigued my already overloaded system.
Thankfully, I have my husband, Hanz, by my side. His unwavering support, his constant reminders to take breaks, and his effort to make sure my “love cup” is always filled to the brim helped me push through. Looking back at all that we’ve accomplished this year, the sadness has lifted. It’s been replaced by a deep sense of gratitude, hope, and joy for every big and small blessing that has come our way.
Here’s a month-by-month look back at the highlights of this unforgettable year. (Note to self: I hope to blog about each of these things in more detail this coming 2025…)
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