Lovers

My Past, Present and Future

It’s our 25th monthsary and baby Tuz’s 10th month! We’ve been busy the past month at home taking care of our baby, celebrating our two years together (which I will still blog about — I still have a few more Tagaytay posts lined up in draft mode), doing personal projects and going out that I haven’t really had the time to fully reflect back on our life together and how it all came to be. You see, when you reminisce the past, it gives you more reason to be grateful for with what you have today. Don’t you think? And that’s what I’d like to do here through this blog post.

Since we love to travel whenever we can, we thought of doing a much needed vacation this weekend where we’ll relax, surf, look at beautiful views and what-not… so before we get all busy with nature, I thought of sharing a story… one of my many stories. I’m the type of person who likes to  remember the past as long as that past has turned me into a better person today and keeps doing so. Otherwise, into my mind’s recycle bin they go. Lol!

Anyway, this story is something I already wrote more than 2 years ago that I wanted to publish here… It’s a bit long for a blog post so if you’re one of my readers or if you’re new to this blog, you can read it section by section or chapter by chapter. This one has 3 chapters, just something to occupy your free time and hopefully learn from. Whether you do your reading in the toilet (like I do when I read some of my books, online news and other people’s blogs) or in the car in the middle of traffic or wherever you do your reading, that’s alright and much appreciated. I just want to tell you some bits and pieces about my life and hope to inspire you as well. 😉

 

CHAPTER 1: MORE THAN 2 YEARS AGO, MY QUEST FOR FINDING TRUE LOVE BEGAN…

Jil Amil, one of my friends on FB who I admire so much for her desire and willingness to change herself for the better by overcoming her fears, told me about this amazing site, notsalmon.com not so long ago. I was on the verge of a major nervous  breakdown and I was posting a lot of unhappy updates on Facebook. Here you’ll find snippets and posts that are funny yet inspirational, encouraging and uplifting… basically stuff that are real and worth applying in our daily lives if we want to be happy. I check her blog every now and then and that’s when I found out about this book the blogger Karen Salmansohn wrote entitled PRINCE HARMING SYNDROME.  It’s about how to break bad relationship patterns for good. The book teaches us the essentials for finding true love (and they’re not what we think!)

 

So I got very, very curious. Since I am undergoing a “divorce” (I’ve been separated from my ex for 4 months now) and I don’t want to waste my time mulling over what went wrong nor do I want to make the mistake of jumping from one bad relationship to the next (I am 36 after all!), I decided to at least educate myself on how to find my one true love, my prince charming so to speak. I am very conservative when it comes to my love life. I always have been. I never dated even when I was in my teens or before I got hitched. I’ve only had 1 major boyfriend for three years before my most recent ex and I only gave him my sweet yes when I was 18! When we broke up at age 21, we were both virgins. Then my ex came into the picture and after 15 years total, we parted ways. So in a way, I am back to virgin territory. My ex probably expect me to date left and right but it’s just not me.

Being who I am online, the Sexynomad and all, they all probably think that I am the wild momtraneuradventurous type! (So far from the truth!) I do have a number of suitors and admirers who I appreciate. I’ve gotten marriage proposals left and right. I even received offers from some who are willing to pay for whatever I need as long as I marry them afterwards. Everything is just so overwhelming at the moment and I am grateful for all the love, admiration and support. But of course, I want to fall in love again and be really loved in return. I don’t care if I end up with someone who’s poor or if I end up living in a box (Okay, maybe I care a bit, but with my educational background and work experiences, I am confident I don’t need a man to support me financially is what I’m saying. It would be a major bonus though if I end up marrying a loving, romantic millionaire! I can dream, can’t I?) Anyway, I want to fall in love, be loved for real, be happy and have that lasting, passionate commitment with someone and build my own happy family with him… which is why I am reading this book. The book has 200+ pages and I’m still on page 70+.

Anyway, here are some quotes from the book which I want to share with you which might help you too in  your quest for finding true love. Major shout-out to Maria Carmel, Gracielle, Mer, and Anne!!! ^_^

momtraneurAristotle said there is always a reason for everything that happens. Every experience is meant to shape you, define you—and hopefully, alas, grow you into the Mightiest You possible.

You can choose to grow into your Mightiest Self, if you choose to stay a good, loving, soulful person aimed at becoming your Mightiest Human Being Self. Then you can more easily bend with stormy winds— instead of angrily resisting them, and getting blown sideways.

In other words: You know that nasty break up you endured? You can choose to lovingly rename the experience: THE BREAK UP THAT LED TO THE BREAKDOWN THAT LED TO THE BREAKTHROUGH!”

Of course when things are going badly, there’s always a tempting urge to Bonsai Yourself—to shut down and shut off—to give in and give up—to get bitter, resentful, angry, spiteful, depressed, self-destructive, antisocial—and all before breakfast!

But here’s the GREAT NEWS: You are guaranteed a happier life if you consistently choose to be a good, loving, soulful person—and consciously keep your “life end goal” in mind—to become your Mightiest Human Being Self.*

The 2 Functions Of A Happily Ever After Love Relationship:

A happily ever after love relationship will be a “den of pleasure”—for fun, companionship, sex, laughter, etc.—which you as a human need—so you can keep your soul alive with passion!

A happily ever after love relationship will be a “laboratory for growth”—the ultimate place of challenge for your soul to be nurtured to grow— which you as a human need—so you can keep your soul alive with growth!

When you begin to prioritize getting to know a guy’s inner character up-front—before you jump in—then it means you’re prioritizing protecting your happiness and heart.

After all, a guy’s character will always be the determinant behind his choosing to behave naughty or nice—thereby making you feel sad or happy.

The number one reason to spend time with a guy is that he makes you feel happier—and he is improving your life—not making you more unhappy, insecure, unsafe, just plain frazzled!

I used to look at a cute, funny, charismatic guy and think: “Yum, Yum! I want him!” Now I know better. Now I look at loving, happy couples—watch the happy, healthy dynamic between the guy and girl— and think: “Yum, Yum! I want that!”

**********

“If you and your partner do not value putting in the effort of acting with strong character values during times of disagreement, disappointment, stress, crisis, temptation, sadness, monetary-challenges, illness, vulnerability, misunderstandings—then your relationship will always suffer!

Indeed, John Gottman, the famed psychologist and researcher who runs The Love Lab, even says he can predict how long a couple will last together not by studying how well a couple gets along—but by studying how well a couple doesn’t get along.

love

A relationship is only as strong as its weakest link— how a couple handles their challenges.”

**********

Here’s a technique to break bad relationship patterns for good so you can snag a happily ever after future with a Prince Charming.

Write down in great detail what healthful, happy love looks like, sounds like, feels like, smells like, tastes like, quacks like.

Re-read and visualize what you’ve written above—for five minutes, three times day. According to brain research, when you train your brain to repeatedly think new positive thoughts, you more permanently change your old way of thinking—by naturally sliding your thinking into these new energized “brain grooves.

Marci Shimoff, the bestselling author of Happy For No Reason, explains it like this: “When you change your thinking to support your happiness, your negative neural pathways shrink and your positive neural pathways widen. Eventually, over time, it becomes easier and more automatic for you to think more positively.” (^_^)

**********

 

Your daily habits overtime = YOUR LIFE
Lots of non-soul-nurturing habits = LIFE PLAN WRONG
Lots of soul-nurturing habits = LIFE PLAN RIGHT

 

With all this in mind, a big secret to happiness is to stop focusing on finding a Mr. Right—and instead focus on finding Life Plan Right. Meaning? When a Mr. Potential Right comes along—you must ask yourself if this guy will lead you to Life Plan Right or Life Plan Wrong. As you get to know the guy, you should look to see if he:

 

(1) offers you exciting growth as well as exciting grope; and
(2) has developed good character—so he will be a positive influence on your character development.

 

If he scores two out of two, then the guy is someone who can lead you towards Life Plan Right—and a happily ever after future.

 

**********

Another superficially alluring quality most girls have been suckered in by is humor. Unfortunately, funniness is a mere decorative quality—sometimes developed to avoid talking about real life issues… when true soul shows up as one that avoids honest communication, warm empathy and the desire for growth. Basically, friggin’ funny is only the tiniest tip of a person. Meanwhile, a person’s soul is a person’s foundation!

Aristotle wasn’t against finding someone who is friggin’ funny—or friggin’ sexy, friggin’ smart, friggin’ rich, friggin’ charismatic. Indeed, Aristotle believed all these pleasure-bringing yummy qualities were good for stirring up passion—which we humans need to feel to be our fullest selves! But Aristotle also recognized superficial lures and material goods were simply what he called “means to the ends” of happiness—not “the final ends” of happiness itself.

Basically, it doesn’t matter how rich a guy is if his behavior makes you twitchy and miserable. Personally, I’d rather split a tuna fish sandwich with a Prince Charming than a lobster feast with a Prince Harming.

While on the subject of money, I want to point out that Aristotle was no fan of slackers either. Aristotle recognized that being poor or dating poor brought its own share of problems. Aristotle even strongly admitted that the lack of a certain amount of wealth was as much an obstacle to happiness as deprivation of freedom. He gladly accepted that some wealth was even needed to be happy—just as exciting bodily pleasures were also needed. But once again— wealth and bodily pleasures were simply mere means to the ultimate ends of happiness—these ultimate ends being to nourish your soul, so you can reach your most esteemed level of self.

With all this in mind, it’s essential when you first meet a man, that you take the time to sense if he’s a souldmate Prince Harming—or a soul mate Prince Charming. Unfortunately, often it’s hard to tell the difference between a Prince Harming and a Prince Charming right up-front. In the same way some women wear Wonderbras to make their boobs look better up-front, some men exaggerate who they are up-front with the fake boost of Wondercharm—and wonderhowmuchlongericanIcanactlovingtoyouwithoutcracking.or as Aristotle might warn: “Just because a guy looks good on papyrus doesn’t mean he will act good in real life.”

 

CHAPTER 2: THAT SAME YEAR, I ALSO WENT ON A BABY PROJECT

I had another light bulb moment while I was taking a shower a few minutes ago. I couldn’t wait to write down my thoughts so I rushed to my drawer to get an underwear, wore my panty and went in front of my computer, opened my blog and here I am now, hair still dripping wet, half naked, writing down my thoughts… It’s about my project baby.

Project Baby happened after my mind was opened to the possibility of me having a child sometime in the near future. If you must know, I used to abhor the idea of having kids because:

  1. I had a difficult childhood. My parents used to be immature who fought all the time in front of me with flying plates and puppies being banged against the wall and my dad asking me to choose between him and my mommy. I was 10. It was emotionally traumatizing. Since then, I developed this firm idea that I will never EVER want to have a child of my own. It’s just too painful being a child. History might repeat itself!
  2. Then I fell in love with my ex, told him about my stand about not having kids and he agreed. He basically had a traumatic childhood as well and didn’t want to have kids. Perfect!
  3. Fast forward to the last couple of weeks, I’m “single” again, feeling a wee bit happier everyday with my new status and here are my family and closest friends telling me that should I change my mind and want to have a baby, I better act fast. These words even came from one of the most important persons in my life, my authority figure — my grandfather. Having heard my lolo said that was a really nice surprise! He has always wanted for me to conceive a child. But I didn’t know that he still wants it for me now that I’m not with my ex anymore. He said that the clock is ticking and that I should find a suitable man to have a family with. But still, in my mind, I was thinking “Hmmmm, let’s see lolo, I’m really not in a hurry… I still want to be rich, have that dream wedding proposal in Paris, do my beach wedding and go abroad and do stuff. I can always adopt if I want a baby!” But of course I didn’t tell him these things. It might break his heart. So kiddingly, I just told him: “Okay lolo, I’ll just put an ad saying WANTED: FATHER OF MY FUTURE CHILD” to which he just laughed. It was a genuinely good long distance phone conversation, our first in a  very long time. And now that he’s happy about my current status, I didn’t want to blow his bubble the way I did when I eloped young. So I left it at that.
  4. Then a good friend of mine urged me to finally go abroad and live with her and start a new life! She is a mom of two beautiful kids, living with a wonderful partner and enjoying a great life! She does not agree with my plan of saving first, becoming a millionaire and doing all those stuff before having a baby. She said that I can always have money. But time we can never get back. For some reason, those words just struck me and for the first time, my mind was opened to the possibility of having children of my own. Hence, this PROJECT BABY.

Basically, this project is redirecting the focus of my life to me becoming a mother sometime soon. It’s not that I am in a hurry to go have sex with the first guy that comes along and bear his child! I don’t work like that.  I’ve been revirginized for far too long I can wait some more… and for Mr. Right I shall wait. Anyway, there’s always my pink dildo if my sexual desire becomes too strong. This project is just saying that everything I will do from now on, will have that baby end goal in mind. So, I should continue watching what I eat (everything in moderation); I should exercise more often; I should strive to be always happy (avoid stress!); I should save up some more; I should take this opportunity to go abroad… basically, to just plan my life right. So when my Prince Charming (the possible future father of my kids) shows up in the picture either today, tomorrow, a month from now or next year or whenever, then I will be ready.

Capisce?

On the other hand, my dreams, though seemingly shallow (being rich, having that dream wedding proposal in Paris, doing my beach wedding, going abroad, etc…) these things ARE STILL VERY IMPORTANT TO ME and when done right, will make me deliriously happy. So I hope and pray that whoever my Prince Charming will be, I hope he understands this side of me and will do his best to make these other dreams of mine come true.

That’s it for now! Til my next light bulb moment in the shower! (^_^)

***I better dress up, I’m getting cold!***

 

CHAPTER 3: FINALLY, A PRINCE CHARMING CANDIDATE

I’ve been doing a lot of meditation and thinking as of late. Sometimes, I feel like I am overthinking stuff and maybe I am.

My meditation today is about BALANCE:

“The material and the spiritual are but two parts of one universe and one truth. By overstressing one part or the other, man fails to achieve the balance necessary for harmonious development. Life is expressed in a three-fold way: through thoughts, desires and actions. Rightly guide all three forms of expression and they will lead you to a higher state of consciousness. In your activities you are the creator, the preserver, the transformer; your will is the director. Practice the art of living in this world without losing your inner peace of mind. Follow the path of balance to reach the inner wondrous garden of Self-realization.” – A Para-Gram by Paramahansa Yogananda

You see, I’ve always had a lot of suitors through the years but of course I never really bothered to give them the time of day nor the appropriate attention a sensible suitor deserves. But since my ex has truly let go of us, and I’ve started really moving on as well, I’ve started to get to know some of these avid suitors of mine. One stood out and I’ve just begun to get to know him a lot better. He could be my future Prince Charming. But there is this one issue that we seem to keep bumping at — the subject of babies.

If you read about my post about PROJECT BABY, it is not about me having babies now or in the very near future. It is about the acknowledgement that I am now starting… just starting… to open myself up to the idea of becoming a mother in the far-off future, like maybe  when I turn 40, should I ever find a perfect partner (meaning, someone financially and emotionally stable and someone who respects my wishes and desires) to fit that role of being the father of my kids. But if motherhood doesn’t happen for me, I will be totally okay with it. I can accept that. Maybe God has other plans for me.

Going back to this Prince Charming candidate of mine, it has been his longest dream to build his own family. And he wants to do it with me should I ever agree with his proposal. But you see, given my situation, I know I won’t be ready for that any time soon. I still have so many things to take care of, my dreams of working abroad to fulfill, to go do my masters and PhD and to earn the amount of money I need to be able to support the life I’ve always wanted. On the other hand, the clock is ticking for me and if I do ever really want to have a baby, then maybe, like what everybody tells me, I should act fast. But TRUE LOVE has its own time you know. It just doesn’t happen that quickly.

I remember my girlfriend Michelle telling me weeks ago that time is of the essence and that the baby will just fit in, no matter what the present circumstance is. So right now, I’m just praying… praying that things continue to fall into place. If real marriage and having my own family are really meant for me, then it will happen, not in my own time (preferably when I turn 40 so that’s 3.5 years from now) but in God’s perfect time.

For now, I will just continue getting to know more this Prince Charming candidate, try as best I can not to pour out on him my baggage from my previous relationship, enjoy and appreciate whatever he has to offer while at the same time also try to be more vigilant and observant of his flaws so the same mistake will not happen twice. So I pray to God to please guide me. I am doing my best to be the best JEN God wants me to be. But I really can’t control everything. May God’s will be done and may all my thoughts, desires and actions be for His greater glory.

 

 

EPILOGUE

momtraneur

So here I am now after more than 2 years when these words were first written from my heart. I now have my Prince Charming and the project baby did come into fruition eventually (after much argument, debate and prayers, lol!) I believe that it’s all because of God’s divine love. He does not discriminate, he does not judge. He gives us what we need and deserve at His right time and I am forever grateful for his blessings.

To Mahal, my prince charming, looking back to 25 months ago when it was just us… so many trials have happened, yet God’s bountiful blessings came our way, miracles were showered from up above and with me you stayed. We remained strong, resilient, joyous, grateful for the life we’re living and the best of friends we remained. I love you my darling bessy turned baby. Thank you for your love and for saving me from every way a woman can be saved. You are my love, my life, my everything and together, slowly but surely, this exciting life together we’ll pave.

Happy 25th monthsary, baby! And to baby Tuz, happy 10th month from me and popsy! ❤ ❤ ❤

 

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