This blog post is mostly a one long rant so please bear with me…
I was very much excited to write several blog posts about our long Boracay vacation last March. I still am looking forward to writing down all my stories, travel tips and what-have-you but I just don’t know when I’ll find the time. Life just got busier and busier that I didn’t realize it was already April and we are once again preparing for a one long family travel, this time, a fun road trip with my parents from Luzon all the way to Mindanao.
Anyway, going back to life getting busy and all…
Tuz is almost 17 months old now and as a toddler who is very much over the crawling stage, he now walks very fast (as if almost running) to every direction he fancies going to. He not only runs or walks fast, he climbs everywhere, including dangerously high places like cabinets, shelves, tables, chairs, anywhere he could think of! Then he jumps and tests these various heights! I feel like I am having a heart attack every time he does this! (I have no photo to show for it coz who has time to take pictures of those???)
Just look at Tuz above going off somewhere by himself!
He doesn’t like staying in one place. He doesn’t like it when doors are closed no matter how huge his play area is. He is also an expert at throwing tantrums whenever he doesn’t get what he wants which is most of the time. We try to distract him with other toys, new things he could explore, playing with him, introducing him to new playmates and such but he is just so full of energy that even my mom is saying that he has never seen a kid this hyper! And honestly, I am running out of patience and energy most of the time. Maybe because I have a ton of things on my mind… I have a million other things I also want to do like blog, update my social media, make my soaps, help out in our budding mushroom cultivation hobby-turned-biz, clean the house, organize our photo albums, do a spring cleaning, brainstorm ideas for future businesses, and of course, there’s still work I have to finish plus I want to sleep 8 hours straight. But all this goes down the drain because when Tuz is up and about, there is not much I can accomplish in other areas of my life. I cannot work, I cannot write, I cannot do any other damn thing except follow him around, reprimand him, play with him, carry him, feed him, bathe him, clothe him, etc. Because the moment I turn my eyes the other way even for just a second, he gets himself into a minor accident with a bump on his head or falls off a chair or something.
Tuz loves anything that gives off light whether the sun, the moon, the stars, lightbulbs, lamps, etc.
It came to a point that the other day, as all the adults in the house were already sleeping and my batteries were really running very low, my eyes were closing and I couldn’t make my eyes open anymore that I just prayed to God and all our guardian angels to please guard Tuz and my nephews, to make them play safely with each other because I couldn’t wake myself up anymore. It was 1 in the afternoon! I was just so over-fatigued! I haven’t had any real sleep in days and my body was shutting down. Thank God nothing happened to Tuz that day and I think my dad and Mahal woke up a few minutes after I dozed off to dreamland.
Taking care of Tuz is becoming extremely tiring, more so because I don’t feel fulfilled in other areas of my life anymore except motherhood. But I guess that’s okay… for now at least. Motherhood should always come first. And it is really hard especially if you have no yaya or helper to help you. Mahal is there, taking shifts with me in taking care of Tuz. But he also has other things to do and half the time, as I am left with our toddler, my work gets sacrificed and I am left with not much else to do but to take care of our baby. By the time that my parenting shift is over, the only energy I have left is for my unfinished work (which is not much anymore). And by the time we all fall asleep, I don’t even get to sleep straight because Tuz cries every 2-3 hours asking for milk in his sleep. So yeah, I am one over-fatigued, zombified momma.
Which is why I am so looking forward to this long road trip of ours because this time, I won’t be mixing business with pleasure. I will be officially on leave from work so I can focus all my attention to vacationing with my family, checking out our ancestral land where we plan to live and build our mushroom business sometime soon and when Tuz is asleep or taking a nap, I don’t have to scramble to work and alternatively I can maybe use that time to draft my travel blog posts instead. I’m crossing my fingers. Blogging is still one of those things that makes me happy and helps me calm my nerves… traveling and blogging about my travels, that is. Hihihi!
Though it’s been fun mixing business and pleasure for almost a decade now, adding motherhood into the equation has drained so much of my energy lately. Motherhood comes first at all times. My only wish right now is for us to find a reliable yaya or helper soon. Otherwise, I don’t know when this phase will end of me living my life only as a mother and a provider and not much else. I still have dreams of traveling more, every week if possible, and building a solid business we can be proud of. I want to go to the gym and start getting back in shape. I need to go to the salon like before. I want to sleep… really sleep and hopefully correct my decade old US TIME ZONE body clock.
That’s it for now… I still have to pack. We’ll be on the road soon… Thanks for listening.