A BUSY introduction
I know, I know, I KNOW. It’s been 10 days since my last post and I have so much to share! Before baby Tuz’s first birthday, my life partner, Mahal, and I have been having sleepless nights taking care of work, parental stuff and domestic duties because we wanted to celebrate our baby’s first birthday on the date of his birthday itself, which was the 17th, a Thursday. We could have just decided to have it on a weekend so all our work responsibilities have already been done by that time and we can all relax and enjoy our son’s birthday beach celebration. Well, we did enjoy, but it could have been better. And it’s all because we wanted it celebrated on the birthdate itself, which, now, looking back, has been a semi-terrible idea!
Because we were overcompensating for the time and budget we will be spending on the beach by doing more work than usual, we did end up celebrating on the 17th of November but it was so effing tiring! Half the time, we were zombified. Baby Tuz’s sleeping pattern has been interrupted, yet again, because we had to prep him much earlier in the middle of his sleep in order to leave at dawn to avoid the rush hour work day traffic, thereby waking him up and causing his sleep cycle to have gone haywire. Instead of being fully awake during the day, he was mostly alive and active at night til dawn! So there went our day time at the beach.
And there went my quiet time at work (I’m a virtual assistant working on US Eastern Time).
It was either we sleep til late in the morning or suffer Tuz’s fussiness while frolicking at the beach. So we ended up napping under the sun. Good compromise?
If there wasn’t any buffet breakfast to catch, we would have been asleep until afternoon and before we knew it, it’s check out time. Pumunta pa kami sa beach, diba?
So we really forced our sleepy selves out of the bed while the sun was still out and tried to make the most of our 3 days/2 nights Batangas birthday beach celebration.
Learning from this experience and taking responsibility for it, I am now deciding that any celebration we’d be doing in the future will either be done on a weekend, or on a holiday, or I will really have to file for a vacation leave from work so I wouldn’t have to force myself to wake up and enjoy the beach during the day then work all night til dawn. I felt like my body was separating from my soul due to over fatigue! Never again!
So by the time we got back home last week, whenever Tuz would be asleep, we’d also be spending it sleeping. This is of course after doing endless house chores, pre-toddler stuff like running after Tuz around the house (I keep forgetting he’s no longer a baby), errands, personal stuff, etc. I keep telling myself “I’ll blog later” but I was just too tired and drained after making a living the whole day and helping around the house at night.
You might say why not get a helper or babysitter? Well, we already asked our limited network of people we trust, but there is just isn’t anyone available at the moment. Well, it’s no biggie. I’m not good at having strangers in my home anyway… I get too comfortable and friendly with them and they end up not doing the work. Maybe when I’m more psychologically prepared to handle having an “employee”, I will just get to attract it. But right now, we’re happy with our simple home life. It can just get very tiring when our workday routine gets disrupted.
See above? We can do it ourselves!
Okay, I guess that’s a long enough introduction and reasoning for not posting the past week, hehehe. I just thought I’d let you know before I do my usual blog posts.
And now, here’s what I really want to share…
The Fundamentals of Success # 1: Take 100% Responsibility for Your Life
Over the next several months, I shall be imparting with you my insights on one of Jack Canfield’s many published books, The Success Principles (How to Get from Where You are to Where You Want to Be). If you’d like to purchase a copy, it’s only priced at Php745.00 in Powerbooks which I think is pretty cheap for such a very good investment. It’s practical and easy to read too.
ON BEING SUCCESSFUL
Everybody wants to be successful, right? Who wants to be a failure, anyway? Success can take any form — whether it be owning your own house and lot, traveling around the world, winning in the Olympics, marrying the person of your dreams, getting the job you want, having a well sculpted body, retiring at an early age, being blissfully content every single day, etc. But more often than not, it is easier said than done. I’ve told you about the power of positive thinking and daily affirmations in my previous posts. That is just a part of it. Starting with this post, we will dissect one by one the fundamentals of attaining success. Learn each of them and stick to them. Because “band-aid remedies never last” (Jack Nicklaus, Legendary Professional Golfer).
Take 100% Responsibility for Everything
The very first principle I’d like to share with you is to take 100% responsibility for your life. No more, no less. Do you even know what this means? Let me ask you something, do you think that you are taking 100% responsibility for your life? It’s either you answer yes or no. There is no “I think so”, “Maybe”, or “Perhaps”. It’s either you do or you don’t.
There are many instances in my life when I always chose to take responsibility for myself. Back in high school, I was deported to may grandparents’ house in Cagayan de Oro City because even if I graduated with a higher average than our Salutatorian, I did not get that particular award just because I slacked off in Science during the first quarter of my final year in Elementary. They blamed it to my being very friendly with the boys in our neighborhood. I didn’t. I enjoyed every moment I was with my guy friends. I then welcomed being deported to my grandparent’s house because that would mean new adventures for me and for once I get to experience a “privileged life” (my grandparents are pretty much well off, famous and successful in their own circle). So even if there were times that I wanted to get back home to may parents, I stood my ground, I was accountable for every experience I had whether good or bad and I believe that helped me become the person I am today — I am able to respond to challenging and difficult situations, I do the best I can given the circumstances and I don’t go around blaming other people for my own failures. Instead, I act on them and try to turn things around. If the situation doesn’t change despite my best efforts, I let go, find other solutions and move on.
Give Up All Your Excuses
Now fast forward to several years after that. I got employed by a very lucrative government financial institution. I stayed there for several years because:
- I was earning a lot of money;
- I was famous;
- I was making a lot of friends;
- there was a lot of opportunity for career advancement.
But I was not happy. For six years, I was miserable at my job. I knew it was not what I wanted to do and that it was tearing me apart. But I had all these excuses in my head (this is one job that a million people would die for; this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, I’m lucky enough to even be here; I want to make my grandparents happy; etc). But the moment I gave up all these excuses, I saw the light. I realized that there is still so much I can do to attain my full potential and this was not it. This was not the last company that will hire me. This was not the last job that will give me wealth. This was not the career that will make me happy. I’ve been doing the same thing over and over so how can I expect different and better results? If I want a different and better life then I’d have to create different responses to my life’s situations. This is where the equation E+R=O comes in.
Event + Response = Outcome.
Do you want a different job? Look for another one.
Do you want to lose weight? Exercise some more and eat right! Like I’ve been incorporating exercises in my work life and daily routine whenever possible…
I’ve also been religiously attending my slimming sessions at Black Pearl for 4 straight Sundays now.
Do certain people make you feel bad about yourself? Let them go and surround yourself with people who inspire you and give you unconditional love and support instead.
If you want to change the outcome, change your response.
- I wanted to quit my job and find my passion. So after 6 years, that’s what I did. I resigned and a few months after that, I got hired as a virtual assistant (VA) which paid twice than my previous one and had a lot more perks than I imagined.
- When I didn’t want to work anymore, I resigned again and pursued my other interests. I traveled, dipped my toes into entrepreneurship, did TV acting, etc. I widened my horizons.
- When I wanted to be a VA again but with better work hours and work conditions, I applied again and got what I want which is what I am doing now.
- When I finally accepted that my past relationship is no more, that I wanted to become a mother and have the kind of love that is honest and true, I studied how to do that. I read books, bought books. I studied some more and applied what I learned about having a great relationship and family life. And now, I am happy more than ever!
Everything You Experience Today is the Result of Choices You Have Made in the Past
Do you feel happy, depressed, inspired, defeated? Are you overweight? Are you with the man/woman of your dreams? Are you living the life you want? Do you end up blaming others for the quality of your life? Are you the type who always find things to complain about? Whatever your answer is, things you did in your past have brought you to where you are right now. And if you want to be at a better place in the future, then it’s high time to make the appropriate responses right now. Be accountable for your actions. Take risks. Take full responsibility on how you want your life to be weeks, months, years from now.
“You only have control over three things in your life — the thoughts you think, the images you visualize, and the actions you take.” (Jack Canfield, The Success Principles).
If you don’t like the way things are going in your life, make some changes. Think positive instead of negative. Make new habits and discard your old ones. Change what you read. Read inspiring books instead. Change your friends if you must (I did that and it was liberating! I only have very few close friends now, but they’re the quality kind).
Quit eating junk food and eat right. Quit your job and pursue your dream. Complain to the right person instead of telling everyone how you feel. You either create your own reality or just simply allow everything that happens to you.
Just recently, I made a promise to myself that if I am presented with an opportunity that can make me feel bad about myself or something that does not have the potential to bring me closer to my dreams, I can actually say no to it. Before, I’ve always said yes to each and every opportunity that came to my lap just because I was grateful that life handed me them. But in the course of saying yes to some of these blessings, there were many instances when my gut would revulse. You know that bad feeling in your stomach when you’re not really liking what you’re doing? I’ve had that. And I’ve told myself a million times to never again be caught in a situation like that. But I kept giving the same response so I kept getting the same outcome. I felt like I was a victim of the situation or I had no control over it. But in actuality, I could’ve always said no. This way, I can become more clear and specific with what I want out of life, think that, attract it and create new and better realities for myself.
Listen to those Yellow Alerts
I’m sure you’ve had these so-called “yellow alerts” but most often than not, you tend to ignore them. It’s not just the gut feel you have about something from time to time. It’s all those signs that the universe is throwing at you and you don’t even realize it. Yellow alerts are warning signs (both internal and external) that tell us where our life is potentially headed at that particular moment.
- could be the inspiration that struck you while taking a shower…
- the bouncing check in the mail…
- your employees plotting your demise…
- a dream you had that woke you in the middle of the night…
- a lipstick smudge on your husband’s shirt that isn’t yours…
- the pattern of thought on your diary or blog entries…
- your intuition…
- an inkling…
These alerts signify that you still have time to change your response to a particular situation. However, like I said, people ignore all these alerts all the time simply because it’s uncomfortable to confront them. Then they end up wondering where they went wrong when everything in their life starts to fall apart. I heard Oprah once said that we should listen to our life. Acknowledging these alerts is one way of doing that.
Life Can Become Easier
Once you begin to take action and responsibility for your life, you will also start to see your desired outcomes, internally and externally. Then your life will become easier to handle after that. All you have to do is keep acting in ways that will keep producing more of what you want. It is that simple. On moments when you feel it’s getting difficult, another thing you need to learn to do is to not be afraid to ask for feedback on what others think you are doing wrong. “The truth is the truth.” Once you know this, then you can do something about it to create your desired results.
Did you find this blog post helpful? I hope it inspired you in some way to start living the life you want and deserve.
Til my next blog post!