As usual, when I haven’t been blogging for several weeks, it just means that the next time I will, I have to rant my way into blogging first as a form of catharsis before I get on with my regular programming. It’s part of my OCness. I have to recognize in written form what have I been up to the past month so I can let it all go in my head and happily blog again.
So… the past month since I last posted here has been nothing but super busy. I always tell myself that I’ll blog tomorrow, or I’ll finish that vlog entry this coming weekend… until 4 weeks have passed and I’m still where I left myself.
I can’t believe it’s been a month of mostly just 2-3 hours of interrupted sleep every day. How did I survive??? I’ve been handling more and more tasks for my clients (which means more pay so for that I am grateful, more money to save and set aside for our farm business) and Tuz has been so much needier and hyperactive from the time he wakes up until the time he falls asleep. He has no downtimes at all. It’s either 10-12 hours of sleep when I also do most of my work and 10-12 hours of hyperactivity and neediness! When do I get to fully rest??? Either I sacrifice my work, I sacrifice my time with Tuz, or I sacrifice my sleep! Yeah, you guessed it right. My sleep is the one that’s taking the most hit. No more peaceful slumber for this overfatigued mom and it’s been basically going on since the time I gave birth to him 3 years ago. OMG!
Anyway, it’s just all been about work, trying to eat healthily, a bit of traveling, and family life in the city and at the farm. Mahal joined Batch 2 of Cagayan De Oro’s DTI Go Negosyo EBLS or Enhanced Business Learning Seminar. Remember when we started attending a series of free DTI seminars last April? He then registered for EBLS after that. It started last May and will end in July, just before his eldest sister will be coming home from Belgium for a month of vacation where we will be touring her around Visayas and Mindanao just like we did last year. So our time at the farm has been very limited for the past 2 months. We are mostly in the city so Mahal can attend all his business classes, meetings with mentors, do his business research, etc. while Tuz and I stay at home to work and play.
I have also been so moody and emotional the past month that I almost broke up with Mahal several times! I know it’s because of my overfatigue and sleepless nights and after calming myself down thru naps, cooking, prepping, and eating healthy meals, and listening to binaural beats while working, I am glad that Mahal never made patol to any of my outbursts and moodiness (never took my breakup threats seriously). He just lets me pour out my emotions, tries to understand where I am coming from, assures me of his love while comforting me and hugging me tight… and making lots of love after (the best part!)
Remember the song I’VE NEVER BEEN TO ME? “Hey lady, you lady, cursing at your life… you know what truth is? It’s that little baby you’re holding, and it’s that man you fought with this morning, the same one you’re going to make love with tonight. That’s the truth, that’s love.”
Every time I start to feel like a volcano that’s about to erupt, this song rings in my head. It’s like the singer is really talking to me, telling me how blessed I am in my life right now. And I know I am. I really do! My emotions may sometimes dampen my spirits, but I know I am living my best life right here and right now. And soon, when Tuz is older, all this shall pass. No more 3-year-old to keep waking me up when I’m trying to rest, asking for milk, asking me to fix his things, asking me to play with him. I might as well make the most of it.
It’s just really scary what overfatigue can do to your psyche. You can’t think straight and you just feel like ending it all. Not to mention what other hosts of illnesses could be waiting for me around the corner if I don’t allow myself to fully rest. So I’m grateful for Mahal, for being so “steady” and loving in spite of all my crazy, emotional flare-ups. He also reprimands me and “forces” me sleep, sometimes up to 10 hours when I really can’t wake up yet, while he takes care of Tuz the whole time. And for that I am thankful.
I am calmer now. It also helps that I get to have a bit of time to open my blog and express my emotions here before I spend the rest of my week finishing a ton of deadlines. I am thinking of bringing back my “everyday blogging” practice like I did last year. That was one of my happiest months! Aside from traveling, planting, and being kikay, blogging really makes me happy. So I should really make time for it, no matter how short the blog post is. Though I regularly update my social media, it’s just not the same. Social media stress me out sometimes, but blogging has always made me happy.
So yes, okay. I will commit to everyday blogging from now on. I actually have a lot of posts in draft mode and so many more things in my head that I want to write about. This will help me streamline my activities for the day. No more mindless surfing the net and social media. Everything I will do should be purposeful so that I can have time to blog. I must admit that when Tuz is asleep and before I actually start working, I waste a ton of time just looking at my IG and FB feeds which makes me feel bad most of the time! So instead of doing that, I’ll use the time to blog instead.
For now, I shall go back to work. Thank you for reading this post. I’ll see you again tomorrow. Enjoy your Monday, everyone!